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Washington Poised to Attack Minnesota
Michael Collins
Satire
(Washington, DC) President Barak Obama announced that the central government was taking punitive military action against the state of Minnesota. Obama noted that large segments of the Gopher state openly oppose the prevailing views of Washington and the rest of the country. The president asked, "Why can't Minnesota follow the example of Governor Scott Walker (R) and his Wiscoinsin reform package?" (Image enlarged)
Appearing with the president, Secretary of State John Kerry branded the dissident Minnesotans terrorists due to their adherrance to policies that are more progressive than the rest of the nation. Kerry spoke with passion when said, "The government of the United States has every right to preserve its integrity through any means necessary."
Troops positioned on Minnesota's border will begin their anti-terrorist operation (ATO) in the next 48 hours.
President Obama's acted under pressure to accommodate the restive extremeist faction of Congress, southern Republicans. This group is a direct descendant of the post Civil War Redeemers and their military arm, the Ku Klux Klan (KKK). The Redeemer/KKK Republicans, like their fore bearers, seek to legislate away voting and other rights of poor Americans, particularly blacks and Latinos.
Republican Senator Lindsay Graham of South Carolina, a leader of the Redeemer faction, said: "It's about time the president took action against those elitists in Minnesota. They act like they deserve more than the rest of us like their fancy schools and good roads. I support the punitive action."
No one in Congress spoke up against the attack on citizens by their own government. Reached by satellite phone somewhere off the grid in Mexico, former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura vowed to organize resistance. Ventura remarked, "What are they going to do, rename the state Kochland? Screw them. This isn't Ukraine!"
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