It has been a long time since I wrote my last piece, having another child is not an easy job, a full time job, shines your life but keeps you occupied all the time. During the last two months, I felt that it was not me, as an important part of me was vanished, leaving too many ideas and feelings locked inside me, waiting to find its way out, to see the sun. Hopefully it is the time to release it all before my boy wakes up.

I always thought those who experienced the feeling of being parents can be cruel with others, especially with other parents who might share the same experiences with their children. I also thought that there is something human inside each one of us that keeps him away from torturing others, and enjoying the pain caused to others, but I was wrong with both consumptions.

The reason behind saying this is the shocking scene that I will never forget, a scene that I had seen when I left Erez check point on my return from Jerusalem. I finished my security check and was racing my steps to walk the long distance that Palestinians have to walk until they reach the Palestinian part, all what I was thinking of is seeing my children, my husband, and the excitement on their faces when they receive the lovely presents that I bought for them, may be this why I can not figure out what the other lady -who was walking in silence- was holding so tight next to her heart, she was in rush, she surely misses her children too –I said to my self, but where are her bags, where are the toys that she wanted to surprise her children with, I wondered!!.

The answer for my question came very quickly, and was very shocking, I reached her, to discover that she was holding the body of her two years old baby, rapped in a piece of cloth, at this moment I felt so shy with all the toys I am holding, with all the excitement I felt to finally to seeing my children after one week away from them.

I could not say a word of sympathy to this poor mother, as if I lost the capacity to talk, I wished I can say something though I know that she will not hear what I would say to comfort her, I wished to hold the body instead of her, but I knew that it is so dear to her to let it go with others. I understood why she was holding it so tight for the last time, because it was not easy for her to forget the nine months of pregnancy, with all the wishes and expectation for him, or forgot the pain, and screams when she delivered him, or let the dreams that she draws for his life vanished so easy.

With her stodgy steps the woman was holding her baby in her arms, and her pain in her heart crying in silence, refusing even to whine loudly to ease her pain, and let it go, the bitterness was uneasy to forget. Will she be abele to be a mother again, with all her love and passion, Will she be able to forget this painful experience and continue her life again.

This shocking, and inhuman scene reminds me of how cruel our enemy is, and how ugly they can be. It reminds me of how a human can easily be a devil, and how a devil can be full of mercy and love towards others.

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October 20, 2008 Najwa Sheikh, Gaza www.Najwa.tk