It is only the beginning as the decision makers of the Israeli army said. Threats of a new holocaust against the Palestinians from those who taste the ethnic cleansings they said. However, can not we consider what the Palestinians have witnessed since 1948 is a holocaust, a long term holocaust that happened every day, so it won’t be anew thing for us to suffer though this time it is an intensified sufferings addressed against the most innocent, helpless creatures, our children.

What happened in Gaza in the last three days made me ask this question, have any of you ever experienced the life that I and many other Palestinians in Gaza do experience now, have any of you ever lived with the feelings that the moment you are living now might be the last of your life. Or have any of you ever tried to live with the question whether he will witness another sun rise? Or another day with his children?

Have any of you ever refused to remember the first word that his baby said because he knows that it might be the last, and that there is nothing will be left to him except the pain of this memory?

Have any of you lived with the question of how his son might be when he grows up, how he will look like, because his father will not be given the chance to know the answer of his question?

Do you know how your life with such kinds of feelings and doubts might be? I doubt it! I doubt that any nation in the world could suffer the way we and our children have to suffer under the eyes of the international community, with the silence of the Arab world, under the arrogance and brutality of the Israeli government!!

A friend of mine sent me a joke a while ago that describes the state of silence that the World is taking against what is happening in Gaza. The joke says “in a press conference held by G. W bush, he said that we killed 200 Muslims plus one dentist, the crowed were very curious why a dentist, and all the questions where focused in this one dentist, no body paid any attention to the 200 Muslims killed, G. Push was smiling saying to his advisers, I told you that no one will care about the 200 hundred Muslims” and this is our situation in Gaza, no body care about the children, the women, the destruction happened, because we are Palestinians and we have to suffer.

Have you ever lived with the question that you might wake up one day to find your self alone, where your beloved ones are gone without any reason but to be Palestinians. Since yesterday I tried to prepare myself for the worst, that in any moment I might lose my children, my husband or may be in turn they might lose me. The images broadcasted since two days on the TV screens shows that there is no respect for humanity, for childhood, or for any thing. There is no room left for any kind of forgiveness or tolerance, what is remaining is only anger, great bitterness, and a strong attitude to have revenge.

Since yesterday my life has changed, I prepared my children to go to school in the morning with the screaming doubts whether this will be the last time I will see them, whether they will return home safe and secured, or whether I will be able to give them the last look if this happened to them, or I will receive their remains in a plastic bag so I can not say goodbye to their smart innocent faces.

You may all think that I have a heart that is made of stone if I say that I am also preparing my children for the possibility of loosing me or their father in any minute, we might go to work and never be back, I even give them my commands to love each other, to stay close, and to promise that they will never forget me or their father.

Yesterday I was preparing lunch for my kids when I discovered that I am shaking, my hands are trembling, and I can't focus on any thing, it took me hard efforts to try control my self and not show it to my kids. I was like keeping all my senses with every sound, any kind of strange whistle that might be an Israeli strike, though I know that I can not afford neither my children nor my self any kind of guarantees that they will be safe.

Now can you imagine how we live in Gaza, and what kind of life that our children have to live???

The question that keeps coming to my mind do these who send us their killing devices feel so proud when they see the images of the burned children? Or the body of the new bay had born? Or maybe they enjoy the cries and pain of the mothers and children? How do they feel when they return home, and meet with their children? I wonder do they remember their victims in Gaza. Do they tell their children about their victorious stories? Is there a hope that they might feel a little of conscience, I think I should not go far with my wishes because for them we are just an enemy who deserve to be killed, and should not have an endless for their sufferings!!

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March 16, 2008 Najwa Sheikh writing from Gaza