Allen L Roland

When we close our heart we enter a dark prison cell where our own bars of fear and unworthiness keep us from fully experiencing ourselves as well as others. Each of us can free ourselves from that self imposed lock down of the heart and the magic key is gratitude ~ beginning with ourselves:

When we consciously deny love or run away from love it will effect every cell in our body because love is the very source of who we are. Denying love is the ultimate NO to ourselves and it raises havoc with our psychic health - or, as I am fond of saying - the greatest remorse is love unexpressed. In essence, when we deny love we go into a prison whose bars are made of fear and unworthiness. Let me describe what it is like in that prison since I have briefly experienced it three times in my life and each time it occurred when I consciously denied or ran away from love in relationship.

The world seemingly turns grey. Life, in general, seems to have little meaning. You feel lifeless and despondent. You see spiritual emptiness all around you because the ego is externalizing your own spiritual emptiness. You feel lost and alone. So how did I get out of that prison ?

I stopped denying love. I consciously and courageously went through any fears associated with that decision to say no to my heart by coming from gratefulness ~ starting with myself.

And in the process of going through those fears I found and embraced more of myself - I literally felt my heart expand as I went through those fears by coming from gratitude and celebration versus deprivation.

Under the oppressive weight of unworthiness the tendency is to run away from, push away or disqualify the persons who love you or are closest to you ~ because deep inside you cannot accept being loved for just being yourself ! Like a thick lead blanket unworthiness eventually suffocates all love, joy, intention and purpose because of it's relentless self-negating message that "I don't deserve to be loved", "There must be something wrong with me" and "being myself is not enough".

The only antidote for unworthiness and resentment is Gratefulness, starting with yourself, for Gratefulness is the key to the magic kingdom of soul consciousness and the Unified Field.

The Ego resists this inner path because it wants to be in control and was created to protect us from psychic pain. However, the path of the heart demands that we relinquish control to the soul and become part of something much bigger than ourselves ~ a loving plan in action which is also God.

Usually the only person you can fully open your heart with is someone with the same, if not worse, unworthiness issues than you ~ then it's seemingly safe and each party will attempt to fill the other's emotional void. The problem is there is no way you can fill their emotional void or they fill yours - it is a dead end street emotionally! Like a self-fulfilling prophesy unworthiness will always lead us back to our original self-negating message until we finally embrace and love yourself !

That is why relationship is the true test of who we are because only in relationship are we forced to face our deepest pain and fears and eventually embrace ourselves. Love is the great crucible and it demands that we surrender, let go of control and be burned into realness and authenticity.

Few have the courage to do this but like a moth to the flame - we all, at the deepest level, want to be part of that fire and claim our part in a Universal loving plan. It doesn't happen painlessly !

It was Gibran who wrote, "think not that you can direct the course of love for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course." In other words, love continually demands that we surrender and become part of its grand design ~ if we will but surrender to its innate pull.

So, in summary, the worst prison is a closed heart and the only way out of that prison is saying YES to your heart at the risk of everything and coming from gratefulness and celebration versus deprivation and self negation. Only then will you fully escape this self imposed prison and finally experience true inner freedom and peace of mind.

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Allen L Roland http://blogs.salon.com/0002255/2009/10/07.html

Freelance Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations ( allen@allenroland.com ) Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net

Allen Roland’s weblog: http://blogs.salon.com/0002255/
Website: www.allenroland.com
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